The Coaching Revolution will lead to The Rise of Authenticity

Coaching and the Rise of Authenticity – Why the World Needs Exceptional Coaches!

Let's stop the niceties and take a long, hard look at the painful truth you need to hear to live YOUR life - the way it was intended.

Here's the real thing I care about. I believe that no human being has to go through their life putting their soul on the back burner for the sake of "success."

But, everybody else is working too much, everybody else is chasing the next promotion, everybody else is planning to finally relax when they retire, right?

We teach our kids not to buckle to peer pressure, but we conveniently forget to take this advice ourselves when we reach adulthood.

I know coaches who think that they are failures simply because someone they went through coaches training with is now making 2x, 4x, 10x the income they are making from their coaching practice.

Well, who cares?

You can always compare yourself to Tony Robbins, and choose to see yourself as a complete failure.

Tony Robbins, if he compared himself to Richard Branson (in terms of annual income), might consider himself a failure...and that would hold him back.

Instead, Tony Robbins cares about feeding the hungry.  As a young man at age 17, someone came to his house on Thanksgiving to help his family by giving them food to make it through the night and enjoy the holiday together...but his father was too proud to accept it.

Well, that made Tony mad, and that made Tony care. As a result, he started feeding families on Thanksgiving from the age of 18. This year, in 2015, fueled by his purpose and disgusted by inequity in the world, he is on a mission to personally feed 100 million families!

The measure of your success has nothing to do with the size of anyone else's bank account.

The measure of your success has everything to do with understanding what you care about in this world, and then going out and doing everything you possibly can (and then some) to make that thing you care about manifest itself in the world.

You care about that thing much more than you care about yourself. You care about doing that thing for the universe because you recognize that you are part of the universe, and the universe is part of you.

If you've come to the world of coaching, then you care about other people. So, let's look at other people.

In the coaching world, "other people" are simply our clients. As a coach, you love your clients unconditionally. If you don't, find new clients. If you can't find any clients whom you love unconditionally, find a new profession. The world needs you to be something else.

The greatest evil in the universe is people doing something – deciding to take specific actions and demonstrate specific behaviors – that they have absolutely no desire to do.

This goes for investment bankers as much as it goes for gang members. No one was born wanting to be either of those.

While investment banking, for some, is a noble profession and a great fit for their life, I postulate that many people in that profession don't want to be there.

Gang members, on the other hand, don't create any good in the world; and I believe that nobody truly, authentically - at their core and in the depths of their soul - wants to do anything that harms another human being.

They are merely doing what they see others around them doing. What they are really feeling is deep longing: longing for connection, longing for recognition, longing to be seen, and longing to be loved.

Therein lies the nobility of the coaching profession.

True coaches have the capacity to love, unconditionally, their clients; just as true parents love, unconditionally, their children.

Therefore, coaching is a crucial, fundamental component of the Rise of Authenticity - which is so direly needed in today's world.

The industrial revolution is over. We know how to make everything that we need to make. We've built machines that can do every mechanical task better, more consistently, faster, and with a greater sense of purpose than humans in nearly all cases.

There was a time when this was not the case. There was a time when the prosperity of the human race relied upon people to do monotonous work. What we now see as monotonous work, was dripping with purpose 50 years ago.

Unfortunately, the reality of the workplace has not kept up with the times.

The world has transformed away from the era when people lower in the organization needed to learn to do things exactly as they were done by people higher in the organization. This approach is called the master–apprentice model.

Today, people everywhere in the organization need to do their jobs in the way that only they, at their best, can do them.

Through the miracle of technology, the world has exploded in blast of exponential progress over the last  20-30 years.

Yet, the workplace has remained the same.

People are afraid to admit that things have changed, because if they were to admit this, they would also be admitting that they don't know the answer to every question.

Well, not knowing is the thing that makes us curious! Not knowing is the thing that leads to innovation. Not knowing, but figuring it out, is the thing that gets us engaged in our lives.

Looking around at everyone else, coveting what they have, figuring out how they got it, and copying what they did is one way to get it for yourself – that's true.

The problem is, you were not put on this earth to be like everyone else...to have a house as big as their house, to buy a car that's as fast as their car, to know the trivia that they know, to talk about the must-see-TV that they talk about, to go to the office when they go to the office, to stay as late as they stay, to laugh at the jokes that they laugh at, etc.

We all need to face the fact that in today's world, where things change at a pace unimaginable just a couple of generations ago, we don't know – and we can't know – the answer to every question.

And this is the glory of being alive in this moment in human history.

Finally, we've come to a place where we can best serve the universe by being ourselves. This is the moment where it's actually useful – and possible – to get in touch with your life purpose.

Because everyone – and I mean everyone – has a unique life purpose. Everyone was put on this planet for a specific reason, and the best thing you can do to live in service to the universe is to be curious about your purpose.

Go on a quest to understand your reason for being, and then have the courage to break the mold, recapture your soul, and live the life you were meant to live.

And this is why coaching is the thing that will lead to The Rise of Authenticity.

As humans, we simply do not have the ability to look at ourselves, pull out a sheet of paper, list the steps we've taken to get to where we are in life, and figure out what makes us, us. This is because those haven't really been our steps, they are simply the thoughtless result of doing what was expected of us.

But we can discover our life purpose.

We can discover the secrets of our soul if we have a trusting, unconditionally loving partnership with someone who cares so much about us that they will speak the uncomfortable truth.

Someone who cares so much that they dare take us to the deep, dark, dank corners of our souls - the creepy crevices that we've been avoiding our entire lives.  We avoid them because we've been told "there's no crying in baseball."

Everyone needs to cry - it's natural.

We need to explore our dungeons, because down there, with tears in our eyes, we will find what makes us tick, and that ticking clock will tell us that the time is now.

The time is now to find an impartial, confidential, competent mountain guide for your soul. Without one, you will never be able to get from the valley of today, to the first base camp, to the second base camp, to the third base camp, and finally to the summit of your existence on Earth.

It's scary as hell to say: I've lived on this planet for 30 or 40 or 50 or 60 or even 70 years, and everything I've done...all that chasing "success," – even though it made me into who I am today – is not the way I need to live tomorrow.

But true progress, joy and fulfillment does not come knocking at your door when your house is surrounded by a murky moat of fear.

True authenticity does not live in the land of safe and easy.

Progress, happiness and meaning will not be achieved by wallowing in a festering, smoldering pool of frustration; spending our days complaining, bitching, whining, pointing fingers, making excuses, and feeling persecuted.

No, we must pick ourselves up out of the muck and grab the hand of someone who cares so much about us that they are willing tell us what no one else dares. We must be brazenly bold if we are to find out what matters to us.

No one really cares about their paycheck, they really care about their soul.

Your soul is fueled by your purpose...that thing that resonates in your bones when you are doing it.  Some people call it flow. Some people call it passion. Some people say it's a calling. Those people are probably all right.

It doesn't matter what it's called, it matters what it feels like. If you want to know what your purpose is, ponder this question:

What would you do if no one paid you?

Before the Industrial Revolution, before the monarchies and the nobility, before the invention of the economic monetary system, this is what people did. No one was paid; people did what they did because it was needed and it came naturally to them...it was their purpose. Life was simpler.

Life is now complex, but finding your purpose can still be simple: Step out of the rat race and into the observer's box. Watch you in your life.

What are you doing when you don't care about the what you look like...when you don't care how fancy your car is or how big your house is or how much money you make or how impressive your job sounds or how busy you are or how many certificates you have hanging on the wall or how fast you can run the marathon or how brilliant your children are or how soon your kids teeth came in or how early baby Lulu uttered her first word or how long your parents lived or any of that bullshit that has nothing to do with you.

Observe yourself.

Be on the lookout for those moments when your eyes light up, when you wouldn't dream of going to sleep despite the ridiculous number on the clock, when you miss the bus stop because you're engaged in a conversation with someone you've just met, when you haven't gone to the bathroom even though you had to "go" for the last two hours and your bladder is about to burst.

Now, imagine your life if that's what it was all about. Imagine how powerful you could be. Imagine the beautiful unison in which you could effortlessly work with others. Imagine if you cared about you, and you cared about them, but you didn't care about what they think about you.

You don't care about what they think, your ego cares about what they think.

Your ego is the Anti-self.

Just as the dark is the absence of light, your ego is the thing that creates everything difficult and hard and mean and nasty and evil and rude and inauthentic and ugly and achy and shitty in your life.

If you could simply understand that your ego is your polar opposite, you'd be aware when it was in charge and you weren't.

You could catch it red-handed destroying your life, and you could put it in jail and throw away the key. You could take back control of your own existence, and you could be the happiest damn person on Earth, no matter what your job was.

Let's say you love food, and you love people. Well if you were in charge, you could decide to be a waiter or waitress is in the diner down the street from your house. Everyone who came into your restaurant who was lucky enough to sit in your section, would have the time of their lives.

They'd start to invite you over to their house, you'd start playing cards, you'd share stories, you'd become friends, and before you knew it; you'd be the the godmother or godfather of their children, and it wouldn't matter one iota how much money you made.

Or...you could be the same person, in the same diner, but let your ego run the show. It would deeply "care" about how much money you make. It would compare you to everyone who walked into the restaurant, and it would resent all of them. They wouldn't notice you: no invitations, no storytelling, no card games, no friendships, no godchildren...no life.

So, what does this have to do with coaching?

Well, what you can't see (on your own) is that there's this tremendous potential inside of you – the world as we know it, won't allow you to see that. The world wants you to think that only by reaching the top of the mountain can you be happy.

And the dirty little secret is that most people who reach the top of the mountain – and I'm talking about the mountain of cash, not the mountain of purpose and abundance of life – those people have found out that it's damn lonely at the top.

They don't give a shit about their money. They just want to have real human connections. They don't want to be judged or feared or outcast. They don't want to be treated with false respect. They want their human interactions to be effortless and natural.

So here's what this all has to do with coaching...

As coaches, we're trained to see the potential in every human being on Earth – from celebrities and CEOs and world leaders, down to middle managers and hourly workers and homeless people and prisoners and drug addicts and gang members and investment bankers and doctors and lawyers and priests and teachers and bus drivers and hotel room maids and factory workers and seamstresses and airline pilots and sewage plant managers and on and on.

We're trained to know that every human being on this planet was born naturally creative, resourceful, and whole.

We know that no matter at what stage a client is in life, there is a greater future available to them.

Coaches are not distracted or impressed by resumes or rap sheets.

No, we're curious, faithful and resolved to take anyone and everyone on The Journey...as long as they are willing to find their truth. We are built to help our clients discover their egos and say to them: "Thanks for getting me this far, I'll take it from here."

If you are this kind of coach, get out there and do everything within your power to make your mark on the universe.

Get out there and create The Coaching Revolution.

Get out there and contribute to The Rise of Authenticity.

The world needs you. Your clients need you.

Leave your comments below.

Published by

Steve Tulowitzki

Hi, I'm Steve. I am a dad, a husband, a coach, a trainer, a friend, and a seeker of my true self; on a quest for truth and good in the world. I've served clients as a strategy consultant since 1999. When I decided to stop talking and start listening, I began my journey to become a coach. I've been trained by the Coaches Training Institute as a Co-Active coach. Here are some fundamentals about Co-Active coaches:. We don't believe that people have problems and need to be fixed - we believe that people are naturally creative, resourceful and whole. We don't walk around life with a predetermined script - we dance in each moment. We don't focus on problems or drone on with our own advice and pretense - we focus on the whole person to help you discover your solutions...often in unexpected places in the unfamiliar nooks and crannies of your humanity. We don't shy away from the uncomfortable questions - we won't let you off the hook, because our goal is always to evoke transformation. My dream is to create and contribute to the coaching revolution so that we can all walk around with eyes wide open in a modern, more authentic world. I can't wait to join forces with you. According to Mark Twain, "The secret of getting ahead is getting started." So let's get started!

10 thoughts on “Coaching and the Rise of Authenticity – Why the World Needs Exceptional Coaches!”

  1. Great stuff Steve! Thought provoking, goose bumping, heart pounding great Stuff. Thank you for sharing!

    Matthias

  2. Wow, thank you, Steve – you write so well, and this is such an excellent piece. By the time I read through the portion about observing my self to connect with or realize my true passions/true self I felt a great sense of peace, joy, and excitement all at the same time! Thank you for writing this and creating those thoughts and questions to process through. My first understanding or I should say pondering of the concept of ego first occurred when I read Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now. I never thought of my ego as my “anti-self.” I like that! I am committing myself right here and now to aligning with my passionate, true self and consistently detaching from my ego (Anti-self!) every day. And when I discover my ego, I hope to say,”Thanks for getting me this far, I’ll take it from here.”

    I look forward to your future posts!

    1. Thanks for your kind words and for sharing your insights. Indeed, when my life went sour in 2011 (and when it still does today), I realize that it is my ego behind the wheel.

      To hit the brake and take your life out of “cruise control,” try this trick…

      When someone asks you how you are doing, resist the temptation to respond in the first person…instead of saying “I am angry” or “I need a nap” or “I am disappointed” or “I am ecstatic”; say “It is angry” or “It needs a nap” or “It is disappointed” or “It is ecstatic”.

      This creates some distance between your hard-wired notion that you are your ego. For this reason, I have given my ego a name. I call it “Steego.”

        1. It is probably scared shitless! (but wearing a fancy shirt with a name like Troiégo)

          Let us know what you notice about the choices you make in your life once you feel the distance from Troiégo.

  3. Kristi…thanks for your comments.

    I read your post about “sandpaper for your soul.” If you are able to take the perspective of feeling love towards the person who irritates you the most, and seems to be out to get you, then you know unconditional love. It must be so liberating for you to be able to recognize when your ego is in charge when you are in charge!

    More amazing things will happen for you, especially in July with Tony…enjoy the freedom!!!

    Happy to talk to you about coaching and life anytime you like…

    1. You bet, and thank you. Finding unconditional love has been a very liberating process for me…I love what you wrote about it. Truly inspiring and beautiful and spot-on!

      Looking forward to seeing Tony – was supposed to 2 years ago but had to miss it (thankfully they let me hang onto my ticket). I love his CDs – used to listen to them during my former commute!

      Awesome. Let’s do that! Thanks, Steve 🙂

  4. Damn, this post is powerful and your passion is contagious, Steve! I’m not a coach, so I can’t really speak from a professional standpoint to anything you wrote. But, I’m going to see Tony at UPW in July, so does that at least put me in the ballpark enough to comment? Lol…

    What you wrote about the ego resonates so well. Actually, everything you wrote does. I read your “about me” section and I really relate to your story – nearly everything about it (except for the Amsterdam part, unfortunately). You are inspiring me to consider heading down the coaching path. Thank you!

    Sorry this comment is so disjointed, but I’m (happily) worn out from taking my own immense actions to free me from the life you described. Legit excuse, right?! Keep the posts coming – I’m looking forward to reading more!

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